Thursday, October 8, 2015

Help! My son is girl crazy!

Ok, this is some new territory for me...and it is still a little terrifying. I only have one child, my son Alexander. I don't know what happened to little boys thinking that girls have "cooties", but my son certainly doesn't fall for that. In fact, my six year old seems to be girl crazy! At six? oh my...

 
I noticed it a little last year, when he was in Kindergarten. He was slightly infatuated with Queen Elsa from the Disney movie, Frozen. But I thought it was cute and it really wasn't the slightest bit alarming to me. First of all, she is only a cartoon character, and come on, Queen Elsa is a babe! Who wouldn't fall for her!?! Ok, but this just got real.

Now, Alexander is in first grade and has taken it to a whole new level. Since the start of this school year, Alexander has come home telling me of a girl on his school bus that he has been sitting with, Erin. Erin is in the 5th Grade and is 10 years old. Once again, I remind you that my son is 6 and is in 1st Grade. He started off telling me he likes her, she is very nice and pretty. Ok, no biggie. Well, within the last few weeks he told me that she is his girlfriend and that he lays his head on her shoulder the whole bus ride home. It was at this point that I explained to him that it is fine to like her and be friends with her, but he doesn't need to be thinking about having a girlfriend at his age. He actually got pretty upset with me. He told me that he loves her. He went on to explain to me that just because he loves her, it doesn't mean he loves me any less. I think he thought I was upset over sharing his love with Erin. Aww, that was pretty sweet actually! I said I know he still loves me and that wasn't my concern. I just told him again that he is too young and that having a friend that is a girl is totally fine, but he needs to leave it at that. He pretty much dropped it and I didn't want to harp on it anymore so we just let it go.

Each day when Alexander gets home from school, we talk about his day and I check his backpack for work he completed, notices that often get sent home, and the occasional art project. Well, the other day there was a picture he drew during some free time in there. He had drawn himself sitting with Erin on bus. (see photo below) He had written something across the top. I wasn't quite sure what the one word was...it said, "I am going to see my feonsa on the bus tomoro"....feonsa? I asked him, "Honey, what does this say? I am going to see my (WHO) on the bus tomorrow?" He replies, "my fiancé". He had spelled it out phonetically! feonsa = fiancé ...oh my. So, Erin suddenly went from his girlfriend to his fiancé? I can't help but find it a little cute, but I also find it terrifying! If he is like this at 6 years old, how the heck is he going to be at 16?!?


Well, at this point I felt like we had to address this whole girlfriend/fiancé issue again. I just told him that being a kid is a fun part of life, enjoy it, learn, and don't try to grow up too fast. I told him that I wished I hadn't dated so young and waited much longer to get married. I also told him that he may like Erin a lot right now but because they are both so young, a lot can change and he shouldn't get too attached to anyone right now. I'm fine with some innocent crush, I know it's normal, I just worry that he could get hurt if he gets so attached to this girl.

I asked Alexander what makes him like her some much, this Erin girl in particular. His answer was very mature. He said they have nice conversations, she cares about him and that he feels happy around her. It seems he has really put some thought into it. It's weird to have your little boy, your baby, talk about a girl he likes. I certainly wasn't ready for this so soon.

When he got off the school bus today, he literally was skipping and jumping with excitement. He told me that Erin had given him a hug on the bus. He was so happy and excited he couldn't even contain himself. He told me he had something else to tell me but he didn't want me to get mad. "I won't get mad", I said..."You can tell mommy anything". He proceeded to tell me that Erin said next time she is going to give him a kiss. "Oh, I see", I said. I am not mad of course, but I'm really not sure what to do here. He is my only child and this is all new to me...and nothing I expected to be dealing with already! I feel like I have already expressed my feelings on this and I can't control what happens on the bus when I am obviously not there. What do I do? What can I do? Should I do anything? Oh gosh, it's so hard to know what to do here. I don't want to overreact or anything...maybe I should just let him be himself and go through whatever comes up. I just don't know...

What would you do? Have any of you dealt with something similar with kids this young?
 
my son and I
 
Photo by Cindy Calzone
 

 
 

24 comments:

  1. No no no! Not appropriate at all. 5th graders are at an age where hormones start influencing them. Especially with sex and other sexual things. I would not put my child in a position to have something happen he/she wouldn't understand. Such as if he were given a sloppy wet kiss, she touches him in an inappropriate manner, or has him touch her. I don't think a 1st grader needs to experience that and potentially feel violated and confused. I would request a bus change or take him to and from school. I wouldn't condone any relationship at his age either.

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  2. Omg that is so cute yet alarming at the same time. I think it is adorable on his part but for the 5th grader it is inappropriate. I do not have a child but I think maybe you should have a talk with Erin.

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  3. It's cute and concerning. As a former teacher, 5th grade "like" and 1st grade "like" are very different. I would casually say "Hello" to Erin if possible, and continue to chat with Alexander. I'm sure as the year goes on, Erin's attention will change and Alex may feel his first heart break. I would keep an eye on things but not over the top.

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  4. What a difficult situation! You don't expected this from a 6 year old. It is cute but it won't be if things go any further. I wish you all the best dealing with this.

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  5. I would go bat "glitter" crazy. Maybe try to find out who the girl is and have a conversation with her parents.

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  6. My friends' daughter is only 6 and she has a very strong feeling for a boy. We went to a countryside restaurant and the boy and his family were supposed to join us, but they couldn't make it. The little girl wasn't interested in food, playground, animals in a small zoo. She just lay down on a soft swing and stayed there for 5 hours.
    Before that she told her mom: "When Is see him, I will give him a big hug"
    She draws first letter of their names and hearts, she is in love!
    I asked her mom about the boy ... and can you imagine? He gives her his hand when she wants to jump from somewhere, brings her juice, cookies, tells her stories how he was a hero the other day. There's a tiny relationship, they are building a model of their relationships in the future.
    I was looking at her thinking how amazing it it just to have a very sincere feeling, unconditioned, so true.
    Then I remember myself at the age of 5-6, I was in love 3 times.Did you fall in love when you were 5-6?
    From my psychology course I remember that it is so normal for children of 4-6 years to fall in love for the 1st time.

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  7. Awwww so adorable, but I totally get your concern.While I think it's totally normal for kids that age to get crushes, the age difference would really bother me. My only advice, keep an open and safe conversation with him about it. Let him know it's normal for him to feel that way but also express your concerns. I've always been super honest with my daughter, but I've never straight out told her I no to anything. I always give her the facts, express the pros and cons of a situation and then leave her to think about it. Pretty much every single time, she will come back to me and let me know what she's decided and it's usually the right decision. If it's not we discuss it more. The second you tell them no, or make it taboo you lose their trust.

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  8. Don't fret - my nephew is the same way and he's 8. He had a "girlfriend" recently who happened to be my niece's basketball teammate (who is 15 - of course she had no idea). I think it's normal for boys to have crushes on older girls as long as neither party is acting on anything or put in any situation that would allow for anything inappropriate to happen.

    Best Wishes,
    Allison Jones
    www.LiveLifeWellBlog.com

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  9. Oh no! Too early! My son is in kindergarten, and I can't imagine if he came to me next year liking a girl. They need to stay little much, much longer.

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  10. I know you must be kind of creeped out but it's natural and will run its course. She probably looks at him as a cute pet. I agree that the engagement should be limited to the school bus and not other areas where things could do awry

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  11. I wasn't like that at his age. In my opinion, the digital age is encouraging children to grow up too early. Given that, it seems natural for today's children to experiment with relationships at a very young age. I agree that someone should have a talking to and it shouldn't go beyond the school bus, but he's a little boy. I'd watch him a little closer and make sure nothing happens.

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  12. I agree with many of the other's that have commented... it is cute/sweet, but it seems like it is tiptoeing around being inappropriate.

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  13. Oh my goodness! I wish I had some advice for you. At least he seems to have an innocent enough outlook on it.

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  14. I'd try to introduce myself to the girl. Nothing frightening, just "Hi Erin, I'm Alexander's mom. He's told me about you."

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  15. Oh my, you do have a situation on your hands! It does seem young, and I know you weren't expecting to deal with this so soon, but parenthood is nothing if not full of surprises. It is concerning because of the age difference and I would continue to monitor the situation, but it will eventually run it's natural course. It's wonderful that he's so open to talking about it with you, and I love his reasons for loving her - she makes him feel happy and they have nice conversations. Just keep that line of communication open and be comforting if/when he gets disappointed. You seem like a great mom!

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  16. I'd probably just talk to the girl. Nothing serious, just an introduction to make yourself known and visible. Right now it's very cute and innocent, but you definitely want to keep an eye on things. Good luck :)

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  17. I teach kindergarten and a fifth grader kissing a kindergartner is totally inappropriate. I would contact the principal about the situation. It is not overreacting to have someone look into it. I know that kindergartners often talk about having boyfriends or girlfriends and sometimes sneaking kisses..happens all the time. We also talk about it and say that it is not something we do in school and also mention it to the parents. However, with the fifth grader involved, it's a totally different story. If I were a principal and you contacted me, I would definitely look into it.

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  18. Chances are he has feelings he thinks are love, and she views him as a sweet little brother. Still, it couldn't hurt to talk with her parents just to make sure.

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  19. Oh my goodness, what an adventure you have begun! I'm not sure if I want to hope for such a loving kiddo or run away from having kiddos but I'm sure you will do the best thing!

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  20. I think she actually sees him as a little Brother and nothing else. But I would still look into it.

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  21. I would explain to him the difference in "grown-up" relationships and kid ones. Kids have lots of friends and don't have to worry about girlfriends yet at his age. Maybe help him develop other interests that will keep his mind on those and off girls. It could be a stage.

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  22. ooooh girl...I do not like to give parenting advice to other parents, but I think you may need to nip this. I had this problem with my oldest in kindergarten where boys in her class liked her and tried kissing her and she kissed them back...I don't know what is going on in kindergarten now a days BUT I had to have a LONG serious conversation with my daughter and I emailed her teacher and gave her the heads up. I have 3 kids, I am pretty strict...my kids will NOT kissing anyone especially with all these different diseases going on and I will NOT entertain the talk of boyfriends/girlfriends. I let them know that it is okay to have a crush or to be friends with other people, but I do not want them kissing them. My worries as a a mother is that my child will get exposed to all of societies norms when it comes to sexuality and that they will end up wild, as a mother I want to do my best at making sure my kid knows right from wrong and that they grow up to be confident and intelligent beings.

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  23. I've got to say - This would terrify me. On the one hand I think it's normal and will fade with time, but on the other hand - you don't know what kind of life experience this little girl has, you know? It could be innocent, but she's 10, and liking someone at 10 is much different than liking someone at 6. I had a similar experience with my daughter when she was in 1st grade. She kept talking about this 'boyfriend' who was 9 and sat on the bus with her everyday. I asked if she knew where he lived - she pointed it out to me. I stopped by (I know, bad me) and talked to his mom, then we got the kids together, and it turned out that they just had a normal (and appropriate) friendship. It was other (older) kids on the bus who started the 'boyfriend' thing and she thought it meant friend. I really think this requires more investigation, and, if necessary, separation.

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  24. This is part adorable part terrifying. It would be one thing if it were a girl his own age, but... four years older than him? At his age? Eek.
    xo, Caitlin
    And Possibly Dinosaurs

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